5:00 PM
SuperHRK
"But we can still be friends, right?"
It sounds so good and wholesome when your ex says it. As if everything's gonna be alright, despite the fact that you just got dumped.
Reluctantly, you agree. Right now, any future contact with your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend sounds good. After all, you don't want to lose them forever. And by staying friends, maybe you can work your way back up to being their boyfriend or girlfriend again. By staying in close proximity to your ex, they'll eventually see how much they love you and ask you to come back. Being friends with your ex sounds like a direct shortcut through all this breakup nonsense and straight back to reconciliation. Right?
Well... if only it were that easy.
The bad news is you just got dumped. Your ex might've been letting you down gently by offering to stay friendly after the breakup. More likely however, your ex wants to be friends because they still want to leave the door to the relationship slightly open - and this is a good sign.
Understand that just as breaking up is very hard on you, it's also going to be hard on your boyfriend or girlfriend. Even though they ended things, your ex still has feelings and emotions that make them very attached to you. Making the decision to break things off doesn't mean those feelings just disappear into thin air, but it does mean that your ex probably put those emotions aside in an attempt to move on without you. In that respect, your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend has a slight head start.
Wanting to be friends however, allows your ex to let go of you very gradually. Instead of losing you all at once, your ex puts him or herself into the very comfortable position of walking away... little by little... while still knowing where you are, what you're doing, and most important of all: how much you're still sweating them. It's comforting for your ex to realize they can have you back at a moment's notice. It's easy for your ex to break up with you knowing that, as his or her new friend, you're always going to be in plain sight.
This is why, right after your ex dumps you, you'll need to refuse to be friends with them. And not only that, but you have to walk coolly away from the relationship as if you really don't care anymore.
"Sorry, I can't be friends with you. I love you as a girlfriend (or boyfriend), and that's not going to change. I can't pretend to not have those feelings for you, while hanging around as your buddy. Good luck with everything, but I've got to go my own way."
Imagine saying those words to your ex - whether you've already agreed to be their friend or not. Visualize it. Put the whole scene in your head, and run through it a few times. What do you think your ex will say? Even better, what do you think they'll feel?
Your ex wanted to be friends with you for a very simple reason - they weren't completely over the relationship just yet. By doing things this way, you've essentially just broken things off yourself. You're walking away and going on with your own life, while leaving your ex in the dust. You've rejected them.
This is an amazing way of getting back on your ex's mind, and to make them question the break up. Your boyfriend or girlfriend's head will be spinning when you tell them exactly why you can't be friends with them. As they struggle to come up with reasons you should keep in touch, you're suddenly not answering your phone... or your email... or your text-messages. Now imagine your ex getting suddenly desperate to be back in touch with you, after not having heard from you for a couple of days.
When it comes to getting your ex back, you just can't do it from a position of friendship. You can't just wing it either - you need a step-by-step blueprint for success. Knowing what to say, how to say it, and exactly when you should be approaching your ex boyfriend or girlfriend can mean the difference between putting them back in your arms or losing them for good. Learning just the right methods and techniques for winning your ex back will almost always result in reconciliation, even when your ex just wants to be friends with you.
